Feel like a new name.

Am tired of John Patrick Higgins; old muffin top, hobbledy-hoof. Feel like a new label. Perhaps a direct transliteration into Spanish: Juan del Feugo? (Higgins means, in Irish, "Sons of Fire")

Or something camper and more fun: Donny Mwah!

Or a literary name? Hmn. No one is ever going to beat Umberto Eco. It's a joy to say his name. Tommy Ovary? Benedict Chung? Marjory Cakebread, Pontious Litesout' (a Dublin writer from the thirties!) Rupert Hartford-Evans, Robin Pinch, "Evens" Stevens, Derek Lanyard, Derek Wolff, Martin Crecy, James Grenthel,

More Irish? Peadar O' Bleadar? Brendan O' Gunns, Josie James? Mick Tick, Aloysius Merichrissmus, (another Dublin writer), Patsy Boyle, Niall Faile, Colm An Paper, Benny Hannon, Samuel Buckett, C.S. O' Hastings,

French? The old favourites: Jacques Tacky, Jean Maljean, Huey Clos, Leon Si, Patrick Homerton, Gaston Gastoff, Guillaume Homme, Jaques Vache, Alain Deman, Terry Ennui,

Cool Rock 'n' Roll moniker? Hard Man Humble, Second Stage Lensman, King Stink, Higgs Bosun, Duke Hum Drum,

Martin Amis? Whoreson Drab, Gaz Ebo, Keith Antihero, Tracey Victim, Martin Amis, Guy Aching-Smallpiece, Russell Leeks- Musselwhite, Tony Pratt, Katie Thicklegged - Prostitute, Anna Log, Ian Actor,

...sigh...