Sigh. Well I admit it. They were right. Declaring myself "self-employed" to the JSA was the stupidest thing I have ever done. They BEGGED me not to, but I knew best. What difference would it make? It's not like I've been paid or anything. What could they do me for? So, I filled in the forms. And they never paid me. I rang them, they found my cheque and asked me to come and pick it up. A week late. The next time I signed-on they asked me to come in a day early, so they could strike, so I did and filled in a load more forms. This morning, when the cheque was supposed to have been sent, they sent me another form asking me to fill in my name, address, national insurance number, which they clearly need despite it being on every form I've ever filled in (about twenty of them by now) and addressing every question to me "and my partner" as an extra dig in the balls. They needed to know whether I was a fisherman with my own boat and exactly what kind of farmer I would describe myself as.

I rang them to find out whether I needed to fill it in given that a) any relevant information required had already been given on my various other forms and b)I don't own my own boat.

I was told that not only did I have to fill in the form but that I wouldn't be getting any money until it had been returned and processed. Despite them having already paid me one weeks worth of cash with less information on my sea-worthiness. How long will that take? I ask. They didn't know, maybe by the middle of next week if I hand the form in personally. So I ask why wasn't I asked to fill in the form while I was already there, filling in the other forms? It was a mistake. A mistake made by another department.

So I shouted, gentle reader, I shouted and I was rude. And I hung up. And then I filled in the form. Again.